Here’s the Whole story.

I’m in this weird limbo stage between having finished my undergrad and relocating my life to Europe for grad school in the fall. I should be relishing in the fact that I don’t have to do anything until September. And I have been. Sometimes I spend an entire day in my pjs, occasionally peeling myself off the couch from a Say Yes to the Dress marathon to rummage through the fridge. I deserve to do nothing for a while, says the lazy part of me. But the driven part of me that constitutes about 90% of my being is always there to politely remind the other 10% that stuffing my face with hummus isn’t going to save the world.

My initial plan of action after graduating in December was A. Get a temporary part time job B. Save every penny I make so that I don’t have to continue living off of hummus while in London C. By no means get attached to any coworkers as I will soon be leaving them forever in a matter of months. 

The outcome of this plan was as follows. A. I got a job at Whole Foods and I’m pretty much guaranteed a position in the company for the rest of eternity B. All my paychecks go back into Whole Foods, helping women in third-world countries or the purchase of alcohol C. My damn coworkers are ruining every chance of a clean and easy departure because they are too damn awesome. 

I’m not going to delve too deep into the politics of Whole Foods, but I will say that this company has their shiz together. And they take damn good care of their employees. Before working here, I assumed it was merely the mecca for avant-garde hippy-vegan-organic-hipster enthusiasts to buy their groceries. BUT IT’S SO MUCH MORE (I say in my car salesman voice). Yes I am a devout vegetarian. And yes I am the perfect candidate for a job at this store. But remember, I am also very sarcastic, cynical, and somewhat lazy. So I am by no means a poster child for this company. 

Even though I am essentially just a cog - a very tiny one at that - in the wheel of this multi-million dollar company, they make it very clear that if I wanted to…I mean REALLY wanted to…I could shoot up the ladder of success and graduate to a more important cog that is located somewhere in the engine of this mean, green organic and natural machine. For example, the South Regional president, Omar Gaye, started at WF by washing dishes back in the day. It’s like a modern day rags to riches story. It also gives me hope in case journalism just doesn’t work out in my favor and my back-up plan as First Mate aboard the Steve Irwin in Whale Wars doesn’t pan out either.

People often ask me, “Emma, what’s it like behind the scenes of Whole Foods?” (Nobody asks me this). “Well,” I begin in my matter-of-fact voice to no one in particular while wearing my crisp WF apron covered in the coolest of flair, “we’re doing big things.”

The honest answer is, I hardly ever really know what’s going on. This is coming from a person who literally got lost on her first day and wandered around the back of the store for a good 10 minutes. I mean, just look at it. It’s something out of Labyrinth. One day, I WILL climb these shelves when no is looking.

Around the corner is the break room, locker area and what I’d like to call the “Offices Where the Important People Sit All Day.” These offices are also the places where you will find all the magical secrets of Whole Foods. For example, the secret chicken-fried tofu recipe resides here. I’ve only ever ventured into them once, and unfortunately, it was a trap. Heather, the WF big whig, lured me in with the promise of candy. While stuffing my face, I realized with horror that I was chewing gum, a big no no for those of us on the front end of the store. Luckily she was too busy telling me off for not wearing socks to notice. 

When it comes down to it, yes, Whole Foods is really just a glorified grocery store. But the company prides itself on making not just customers happy, but employees happy as well. I like that. They care about the welfare of animals and where all their products come from. I REALLY like that. They’ve established a massive nonprofit organization to help alleviate poverty in developing countries. Who DOESN’T like that?? And I’m just happy they don’t force us to wear goofy uniforms that make us look like sad, underpaid Disney World employees. Because no one likes that.